Wow I don't' think I'm in Kenya anymore...

Yufta it’s cold here. So I’m in Bloomington Minnesota where it is cold! However we did experience the one of the hottest days in the country being at 104 degrees. I came out of our school building and said to my friend, ‘ah it’s finally nice and warm out!’ So least to say I haven’t acclimated quite yet to the weather of the North. I do however love wearing American clothes in the chilly weather, no more skirts.

Coming back to America was hard in a lot of ways but also easy. As I work through culture-shock and trying to get use to everything again I tend to forget that my Internship in Kenya even happened! Either it never happened or I never lived in the States before Kenya. I forget both. If I think to much about Kenya I begin to cry and miss it terribly and all my friends. My life is here now but part of my heart is still in Kenya.

I have been in Minnesota for over a month and will finish my program and graduate with a Bachelor of Arts in Cross Culture Communication in August this year. I am excited to be finished but also am sad to see the end of so much good and to say goodbye yet again to so many friends.

Through this time here I have been thinking about what’s next and what will I do and where will I go. I have many options and lots of good ideas, the problem is I want them to be God’s ideas and plans for my life and not my own.

Before I went to Kenya I was becoming interested in Midwifery and realizing that I get really excited when I’m around pregnant women and when I hear about their deliveries and hold their newborn. During my time in Kenya the Lord brought this desire to a higher level and I left Kenya wanting to become a Midwife and go into Medical Missions overseas somewhere. So now that I am on this side of the world it’s time to get serious. I plan on taking classes and learning about midwifery and motherhood and all the involved subjects while I’m here and then after graduating I want to enroll in a midwifery school somewhere in the States or in the Philippines. I don’t have anything set in stone but am praying and trusting God to lead me to where He wants me to go.

While being at Bethany College the Lord is teaching me so many things and taking out things that don’t belong in my heart. I have had to work through lies that I had believed over internship and work through fears that I didn’t know I had. Through all of the removing and the abiding in Him I have grown more in love with Him and have become stronger through it all. I am learning the joy of the Lord in this place and how to be alone with just Him and to find contentment in the quiet. It’s hard going from ministry and new things to the same old schedule and sitting in class and working. It hits you in different ways throughout the day. But through it all My God is a Solid Rock and my Comforter

Continuing on...

I wrote this a while ago when I was still in Kenya and preparing to leave. I forgot about it and didn't post it until now. It's just a little of what I was feeling as I began to leave~

How am I to leave this place. How can I go back to my old life in America. How does a person say goodbye to people who you’ve known, visited, talked with, prayed with and for and loved?

The cruel part of this internship is they never told me that I’d love it here. They never told me that I wouldn’t want to leave. At the beginning that’s all I wanted to do is run away from this place. Now I don’t want to go.

I know that wherever God takes me it will be more goodbyes. I know that this is not the end and it’s really only the beginning of my future in Missions.

I’ve invested everything in my time here, I’ve left nothing back and have in a way become part Kenyan.

I’ll always be thankful for this time, I’ve seen and lived what many people will never see or understand. I have a different perspective on life now and I will never be the same. I may move away from Kenya and perhaps never come back but I will never fforget the people, the life I’ve had here or the things I learned.

Finding God in this place has been a challenge and yet He’s more clear here than anywhere. I remember my first couple months when we were experiencing spiritual attacks, God was very near me I could almost touch Him.

I can’t even explain the things I’ve been through here and the range of emotions. I came as a young 19 year old who was terrified, ignorant, arrogant and suddenly all alone in a strange world. Now I’m 21 still young, not terrified, not ignorant and hopefully not arrogant! I have found peace in the chaos and hope in the impossible.

How do you love that which you don’t understand? Get out of yourself and get to know that which you don’t understand.

There’s always a story behind the eyes, there’s always pain behind the smile.

I’ve learned to see a person, to want to see them and to hear their story no matter who they are or what they look like. Because God made them and loves them and wants them to come to Him.

Humanity..

Today was a packed day of emotional trials of this world. Yesterday was almost just as hard. The Lord has been showing me the emptiness of life without Him and how the human race is hanging on by a thread as people strive to make it through this world alone.
Yesterday I met a friend, at the Hospital who usually is beaming with joy but today looked downcast. When I asked him why he was there he said he had to pay fees for the birth of his son. I thought it would be a happy occasion despite the fees. But then his face became serious and he said that the baby had died. I asked how it happened and he said that it was the fault of the hospital, that the students who are training were unable to take proper care of the delivery and the care afterward. My heart broke for my friend and turned with righteous anger at the irresponsibility of the staff at the hospital. I walked with him as he went to pay the bill and talked about what had went wrong. I forced back tears as I listened and watched his face become sadder with every word. He had lost his baby boy, his first born, his only child. Because of human error and weakness. But through all of this pain he told me that he was forgiving the people and the hospital. He said that Jesus tells us to forgive, we have been forgiven much and must forgive others. This shows God’s grace working in him and his wife. I visited them today at their home and could see the wife in pain from the 3day long labor. The only difference that made her pain more unbearable is because she had no baby to hold, no reward for her hard work, just the pain and an empty feeling. They both showed such strength and hope for the future. Fortune (also their baby’s name) would come their way once again.

Later that day I went to see one of my good friends and her daughter in the next town. I love going over there and sitting and talking in Kiswahili and playing with the 4 year old daughter. Whenever I come she runs to me and hugs me tight. She never wants me to leave and always asks her mom for me. I love her so much. Today while I was waiting for the little girl to come home from school I sat with my friends neighbor’s children. There was 2 small children a older boy around 10 and a small baby lying on the ground. My friend told me that the mother was HIV positive and so was the baby. My friend talked about them with a bit of scorn. As I held the little baby and held her hand I wondered at the life this baby would grow up to have and if she would make it to 2yrs. The baby a little malnourished dressed in a yellow sweater with a dirty, soiled blanket around her lower body smiled as I talked baby talk to her. She liked to reach for my earrings and pull my pony tail of hair. Once again the weakness of humanity and the sinfulness of humanity strikes again. Once again a little baby suffers. Once again God’s heart is broken. This was my day.

"Where's the ICE?" Serving when you don't get a Thank you

This Christmas was different than any previous ones. For starters I celebrated it in Kenya with my internship team instead of in Nebraska with my family. But as totally different the two places are they are somewhat similar. I’ve learned from being away from home this Christmas that Christmas isn’t all about the traditions, decorations, food or even family. Christmas is about celebrating Jesus’ birth and praising God for sending a perfect Lamb to bridge the gap between sinful fallen men and God. He brought us Immanuel (God with us) so that He could be with us for eternity. Also this place has in a way become my home and my teammates and leaders are like my family. Not only that, but I think Christmas is more so about people who aren’t followers of Christ. ‘For he came to heal the sick not those who are already well.' So even though I missed my family (A lot!) and the traditions and all the yummy food I was praising God and sharing the birth of our Savior with people who don’t know Him.

December 24th-
All of us interns gathered at the Witt’s house for a Christmas breakfast and present opening and eventually Christmas supper. During the afternoon though we prepared 90 bags of practical things for the village we were going to spend Christmas day with. We sorted out Kilograms of beans, rice, flour, sugar, and corn. It was fun working as a team knowing that we were helping people who had little to nothing.

December 25th-
The day had come! It was Christmas morning! As I rolled out of bed hardly eager to greet the day my housemate Brenna brought me a homemade mocha frappie and told me to get out of bed! I gleefully took the drink and enjoyed it and went back to sleep ignoring her last words. As I laid in bed I thought back over my past years of Christmas mornings. How the night before my older sister and I would secretly watch as Mom and Dad wrapped the stocking presents. We’d guess on what we would find the next morning and could barely sleep with all the excitement. As I got older of course it was less exciting and I would rather lay in bed and sleep than get up early to open presents. But there was still always the excitement the fun in cooking, preparing the house and being with family. I loved waking up to the first blanket of snow and going to candle light services at church. All of these memories were coming back to me and I knew as I finally got out of bed that this day was nothing like those. Instead of a Christmas sweater or Christmas PJ’s, I put on my purple dirah (typical clothing of the village we were visiting) and a head scarf.
We arrived at the village and started to chop veggies… Drew, Kelly and I cut tomatoes, green peppers and onions.. lots and lots of them. Some of the Mama’s and the younger curious boys helped us too. We enjoyed a delicious meal of Pilau (Rice and goat meat with potatoes, tomatoes, green peppers and onions for flavor and pilau spice) and kachumbari (Onions, tomatoes, green peppers).
Throughout the day we arranged games like, bean bag toss, gunny sack race and tug of war for the kids to play. It was fun to watch them laughing and enjoying some new and very different games.
By the end of the day God had brought to my memory a story that Jason had told us at Bible study illustrating when Jesus told Peter to feed his sheep in John 21. He didn’t say feed my sheep who are thankful, or who are nice to you or who like you. He just asked do you love me? Then feed my sheep. God was showing me what real serving looks like. It’s not about what I get in return or how good I feel about myself. It’s about the people I’m serving. It’s not my responsibility to make them grateful either, God is concerned about my heart as the giver and server.
So this Christmas we did something different we took what God has given us and brought it to the people. Instead of receiving gifts we gave and were able to bless many people. Through this I know that I was blessed as well, it was fun to spend time in the bush with the villagers and to eat and spend the day together.

Tears...

As I sat there looking with pity at this young mother who tried in vain to feed her child, I wished I could do something to help. I watched as tears rain down her face as she winced in pain as the nurse touched her tender breast.
I was at the Hospital all morning and had just finished bathing a 2 ½ lb preemie baby and was now sitting by this new mother as she tried to nurse her small baby girl. She had been here for 10 days and was still in so much pain from the C-section and having engorged breasts. Plus the baby was not increasing in weight and wasn’t eating well. I worried for both child and mother and prayed that they would soon recover and grow. What touched me most about this scene was the father. He was an older Muslim man from one of the villages he was rather skinny as most here are but with a face filled with concern and love. This was his second wife and his 11th child. But everyday he came to look after his baby girl and fed her milk through a syringe. I was surprised by his consistency and gentle care, it's rare here.
As the mother, his wife started to cry in pain, I looked at him and saw a single tear slide from his brown eyes onto his sun weathered cheeks. I couldn’t help but stare in wonder at this scene of love. Most men are not interested in their children or wives to this extent and I have never seen this specific tribe show such tender care. It was as if God was showing me that these people had love in them, no matter their appearance or hard exterior they are lovable because God made them and Christ died for them...they just didn't know it yet.

"Let the Little Children Come Unto Me"

Because I want to someday after Kenya become a midwife I have been volunteering at the General hospital in town. This is sadly the best hospital in the region and most people don’t want to go there because the conditions are not exactly top quality. When I told some of my friends in Kenya that I was going to be volunteering at the Hospital they were a little shocked. One Mama said it was to dirty for me and that she didn’t think I would be able to stomach what happens there. Many others were surprised and wondered what I could possible be doing there.
What I want to do there is learn about medicine and learn about babies, delivery and show the love of Christ. I want to be a servant to all and to be a light in the darkness. I want to go where most people don’t want to and work among people most people don’t want to touch.
So I have been going twice or three times a week in the morning to the NBU of the hospital. I have helped mothers nurse their preemie babies. I have washed and fed preemie babies some as small as 2 and ½ pounds. I like to hold them as much as possible and when I’m alone I sing songs to them and pray for them. I have loved building relationships with the mothers and practice the language with them. I was actually able to witness 2 births! It was once again fascinating and I was so grateful for the experience.
I also like to go to the pediatric ward and talk with the kids and mothers of sick babies and children with burns. Some of them are so sick and just need cheering up and the moms are so bored and they need company. I get to know them a little bit and introduce myself and then ask if I can pray for them. Most welcome it with gratitude but some refuse. I have made some very good friends by visiting there and have seen many heart breaking situations. How I wish I could help them all.

Striving for SOMETHING more

What is it that keeps us going? What drives humanity on? Why do we keep going day after mundane day? Is it something innate in us something that we cannot stop that is pushing us forward without any force applied. Or is it something more, is it something that was put in us by God? A striving to live and be and flourish. A curiosity to know why we were put on this earth, by whom and for what purpose we were created for. Why do people search for answers, why do we question, why don’t we just continue with our lives not knowing the absolute truth about life…what makes us wonder?
You know so many things in this life are pointless and meaningless. Day by day things get more complex and yet more simple and idiotic. Yet in the nonsense and the regular there is something beautiful, meaningful and even full of purpose.

What are you searching for? What do YOU seek? What will completely satisfy you? What will satisfy your hearts desire your thirst for more and your need to be complete and to be known by someone or something. Does It feels like there is something inside of you that will never be satisfied or subdued.. it is striving for something. BUT WHAT? We are searching, seeking, urning and hoping that there is something more than this life. That there is a reason for all of this, we want to believe in beauty in purity and love. BUT HOW?
Is this all just a pointless game we’re all playing is there really any point in living? Does what we do in the day matter, the people we talk to the words we say the actions and deeds we do? Does it even matter…does Anyone see? Does anyone care?

“Vanity of vanities, vanity of vanities! All is vanity. What does a man gain by all the toil at which he toils under the sun? A generation goes, and a generation comes, but the earth remains forever. The sun rises, and the sun goes down, and hastens to the place where it rises. The wind blows to the south; around and around goes the wind, and on its circuits the wind returns. All streams run to the sea, but the sea is not full; to the place where the stream flow there they flow again. All things are full of weariness; a man cannot utter it; the eye is not satisfied with seeing nor the ear filled with hearing. What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun.”

As I continue living here in Kenya and continue to see the poor and the needy among me I ask myself these questions. I wonder at the people’s tenacity and perserverance to continue living. Life is not very hard for us here but for the Kenyans and Somalis it is hard. For the poorest of poor, who scrape a living from selling wood or coal just to eat flour and water and maybe some beans, it is hard. Today I passed a man lying asleep in the ditch, covered from head to toe with month old, brown, African dirt. He looked hopeless, lifeless, my friend and I wondered if he was dead or alive. What is this mans story, how did he end up like this?
What are they living for? What are WE living for? What are YOU living for?

We were all put on this earth by God our creator to live and produce and take care of the earth. But is that all, are we just simply here to eat, sleep, have children and work?

From the beginning of time we see that Man was created to be with God. All throughout the Bible we see God pursuing man and man hiding or running away from God, in some cases man pursues God.
I am convinced that we were created for more than this earth and it’s empty promises and broken dreams. I am convinced that we were created for something more something better…something unimaginable and perfect. We were created for eternity, eternity with our Creator. Therefore we are all striving for something more and trying to fill our lives up with anything that can satisfy but little do people know that nothing but relationship with God and God’s love can satisfy the emptiness that is inside of us. No matter how hard we try we will fail every time. Only God can satisfy. He is our hope the consuming fire and purpose of living. But until Christ comes back and puts all things right again we will continue to strive and seek and we will all continue living our lives and unknowingly we will hope and wait for the DESIRE of our HEARTS to come.

“But according to his promises we are waiting for new heavens and a new earth in which righteousness dwells.” 2 Peter 3:9

“Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and hey will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more. Neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. And he who was seated on the throne said, “ Behold I am making all things new.”
“ It is done! I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son. But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur,” Revelation 21: 3-8