Having Joy in the Midst of Pain...

“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep on the pen and no cattle in the stalls yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord. Is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s he makes me tread on my high places.”
Habakkuk 3:17-19

The Lord has been teaching me how to have joy in the midst of trials and struggles. How when everything around you seems bleak and you have a hard time making it thorugh the day , to give praise to God . We need to do this because even though… “Situations change for better and for worse, God’s worth never changes.” (from the book “The Unquenchable worshippr .” by Matt Redman) Right now in my life I’m struggling to be here in Kenya. Especaily right now because my best friend is getting married this weekend. As the time gets closer it’s harder and harder to be here engaging in the culture and people while missing the biggest day of my friend. I have a hard time not being bitter and upset at the circumstances or even at God who brought me here at this time. But it doesn’t help anyone especially me to be bitter or angry. I know God brought me here for a purpose and that the harder it is usually means theres a pretty big lesson to learn or purpose to accomplish. So during this time when I feel like my heart is breaking and I’m hating my current situation… I will rejoice in this time even though I don’t understand and it hurts . I will trust and say that the Lord is good. “We may be hard-pressed on every side, weary and not able to sense God. But then a choice faces us—to fix our eyes on the circumstances or to cling to God and choose to worship Him, even when it hurts. (Matt Redman) I want to be able to say at the end that “I rejoiced in the Lord and I took joy in the God of my salvation, that God was my constant strength.”

“The heart of God loves the offering of a persevering worshipper. Though overwhelmed by many troubles, they are even more overwhelmed with the beauty of God.” (Matt Redman)

What would you give?

So today I’ve been hit with the question.. What would you give up for God?
You know my whole life God has blessed me with a Christian family with Christian friends and with a godly upbringing. I’ve not had to struggle through life, I don’t know what it’s like to go without food or live in a tent or even a Mobil home. I have been richly blessed…I have become used to having almost anything I wanted. Coming to Africa the Lord has shown me my selfishness in more ways than one. (I am not pointing the finger at anyone, this blog is my thoughts and what the Lord is teaching me please don’t think I am judging America, Africa or you who are reading this right now.)
I have seen how much I have and how little others have and yet …I want more. But it’s more than just a matter of material possessions. That is not the point of this blog entry and not the answer to my question. What I mean by this is, what would I give up? I obviously, to some people’s opinions would be said to have given up much. For I have left my family, my home and all that I knew for what..The Lord’s calling? The poor of Africa? The orphaned children of Kenya? For what? To ‘suffer’ in the desert.. ‘Yes truly I must have given up much for my Lord.’ But really, what have I given up? Am I truly dying to my own desires and taking up the Cross of Christ? Or have I been an actress performing before an audience of believers. I don’t know…perhaps I’m sure that I’ve given enough.

-But O My Beloved… how much more would you give up for ME?

Well, you see… I really, really love my new Mac computer, it’s pretty, it works amazing and I use it all the time and don’t you realize I bought it with my own hard earned cash!
“Would you give it up?”
I also really enjoy and love my clothes and my makeup and all my stuff that I dragged along with me from America…
“Would you give it ALL up?”
I love my family so much, almost more than I love myself…
“Would you give them to Me Abby?
I really like my certain foods and drinks and man I just couldn’t give them up, how would I live without my particular food?
“Would you give it ALL up?”
(Now, I don’t know if the Lord really is asking me to give up all these things and I don’t think you need to worry that my next blog will be on how to survive on the streets of Kenya with only a matchstick. I won’t be that drastic or illogical.)
--But Lord, I love my life… I don’t really want to suffer and be persecuted can I just live my life and get married and live normally in America with a good job and maybe some kids. I’ll raise them up to love you Lord, really I will. I’ll even go to church on Sunday and oh, I’ll even pray in the morning and even, yes get this ,I’ll even read my Bible before I go to church. If …oh well if that is I’m not too busy, you know Lord I’m sorry it’s so busy I might have to skip on the Bible reading. But you won’t mind because you looovee me!---
“ And whoever does not take us his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”
(Matt. 10:38-39)
Hmm so what you’re saying is… I have to give my life. Ouch Lord that hurts….
“I was wounded, I was crushed, I was oppressed and afflicted (Isaiah 53) … I gave My Life for you. Because I Love you with an everlasting love. ‘You are precious in my eyes and I love you.’ (Isaiah 43:4)
Christ gave it ALL humbly, sacrificially and completely. Christ gave His Life.
What will I give?... Will I give my life? Will I die for Christ? Will I take up my cross and follow Him to the end, whatever that may be? Keeping my eyes fixed on the prize that will be eternal that will be better and more majestic and more wonderful than my mind can ever imagine?
Will I ‘waste’ my life for the King of Kings and Lord of Lords? Will I be tested and tried; with no regrets… oh Lord may I be found at your feet.
---I will leave it all behind, I’ll have no other beside you God, I will cling to you alone. For I am in love with you…yes I am in love with you. There is no cost, there is no loss… for I am in love with You my Daddy Father!

(P.s. Sorry that all my post are on the same day. I wrote them all on different days but can only go to the Internet spot once in awhile. Usually it is once a week so I try to get everything written up before going.)

Bwana Sifiwe!

Isn’t the Lord good!! Wow. He takes my breath away and showers me with unexpected blessings in this dry and weary land.
Coming back to North Eastern after being gone for 10 days in Western Kenya has been anything but easy for me. I struggled with being happy with being back and prayed and trusted that God would give me extra grace to get through the readjusting once again. He graciously answered my cry. My first day back has been such a wonderful day overflowing with the beauties and mysteries of God that I hardly know what to think. Whether it was in the glorious sunset or the blessing of a downpour of rain or the three rainbows I saw in one night or maybe being able to speak with my family. The Lord was showing His love for me and reminding me that His presence is with me in this place. Yes, even in North East Kenya the Lord speaks and moves.
At our Bible study this morning the Lord encouraged me through my teammates and gave us a passage of scripture that spoke of God’s sovereignty and how He knows everything about us. One verse that spoke to me is
“Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to Heaven, you are there!” (Psalm 139:7) It reminded me that no matter where I go the Lord is there. I cannot go beyond His reach! He is here with me and sees me when I stand, sit, sleep and eat. He hears me when I cry out to Him. It put such a peace in my heart knowing that being in this dry, lonely, desert the Lord is here and He’s holding my hand through it all. I just have to trust that He knows what He’s doing and He’s guiding and directing my path. The Lord has not left me.
I love the Lord for this, I am so thankful that I do not serve a fake, powerless, lifeless man-made idol but rather a breathing, living and very powerful God. A God that knows me completely and utterly before I even existed. He sees all and knows all and loves more passionately and deeply than I could ever imagine.
“My frame was not hidden from you when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them.” That’s my God! As I open myself up to Him and seek His face and yearn for more of Him He’s gently, lovingly, and patiently showing me more about His characteristics and His love for me.
Bwana Asifiwe! (Praise the Lord in Swahili)

Extra Garnish- NO Charge! The Many Adventures of Western Kenya

So I’m still living in Kenya Africa in case you wondered and everyday is a new thing and everyday the Lord shows me something more about Him. This past week my team and I traveled to Western Kenya to the city of Bungoma. It was wonderful to see grass again and flowers and to not be constantly sweaty, but to actually feel a cool breeze! The best part, because this area was very Christianized and did not have Somalian Muslims, us girls were allowed to wear jeans outdoors and even shorts inside the compound!!! It was marvelous and I never knew such a small thing could make me so happy!
WHY’D WE GO THERE???
The purpose for this trip was to take a class. So I along with 15 other Bethany International Students were scheduled to talk Church Development at the Christian Life Teachings College in Bungoma, a Christianized town. We were taught by Kenyans and by a on the ground and founder of the college missionary from Montana. We mostly learned about leadership and godly ways to execute leadership over people and a church. It was a good class and the Lord stretched me.
While here we experienced many fun and growing things. I’ll just highlight a couple things. One of the most rewarding parts of the trip was being able to play with the kids. They loved to come to our gate every afternoon and watch us either play volleyball or mess around. We would invite them to play and we’d play tag or soccer. This one little 3 year old girl named Judy stole my heart. One day while the other children were playing soccer with Nate (one of my teammates) I sat with the little little kids and held Judy on my lap. I rocked her to sleep and she feel so deep asleep that when it was time to wake her I couldn’t! She was so out of it that I just passed her off to her mom. Once I had let her go I realized that my jeans were unusually wet! Little Judy had left me a present in her sleep…she was so worth it.
SQUATTY POTTIES AND BUCKET BATHS!
So at this college they don’t have any running water..no big deal right. Well count how many times a day you use water from your faucet or how many gallons of water you use and tell me if it’s not a big deal. ☺ It’s sort of like camping but maybe a little rougher… well at least in Nebraska we had completely working bathrooms at camp sites. The huge blessing though at this college was that the water was clean and from a pump. So we didn’t have to filter we just just pump and go. But the bathrooms were anything but modern. Lets just say I got really good by the end of the 10 days at squatting and aiming and taking a “bath” with no wash cloth and a bucket of water in the dark at 6:30 in the morning.
WHAT’S FOR LUNCH?
So one afternoon I along with 2 other girls and 1 other guy went out to eat at the Red Hat restaurant. We had previously eaten at this restaurant and knew that the food was good. We all ordered a burger with fries (which they call chips here). Well my food didn’t come until all the others were done with it. When it finally did come my hunger pains were growing and I was eagerly licking my lips in anticipation for my juicy burger and greasy fries. The waiter seemed to walk in slow motion as my plate came closer and closer ever so slowly. When it was placed on the table my eyes saw something that did not quite seem to fit amongst the burger and fries. What was that? No, nope I’m not going to believe that that is really on my pile of fries…. I took another look and sure enough I found myself staring in to the green eyes of a deceased, deep fat fried, bright green, grasshopper! To the surprise of my friends, I made an exclamation and quickly pushed the plate away from me in horror. After many laughs and shocked expressions I decided against eating my ‘African garnish’ and we quickly left.

My favorite part of going to town was being able to ride the sweet bikes. I loved just perching on the back and getting a ride home. It was easy to do but super hard in a skirt!

Today we joined some boarding children in going to the hospital. The time with the kids was great. They were wonderful to talk to and loved to sing. On the way to the hospital they all sang on the bus. The people along the streets all would stop and stare at the bus caring singing children and wazongos. The whole morning I had two girls holding my hands..Mercy and Grace. Interesting that the things I pray that the Lord would grant me and what He so willingly and abundantly bestows…were holding my hands as I walked through the gates to the hospital. What my eyes took in was the reality of a fallen world. A world of pain and sickness… death. At home I would hear of stories and see pictures of malnourished babies and children who looked like they were newborn babies but really were 3 or 4 years old. Stories impersonal and distant that’s what they were. I thought I had compassion I thought I felt misery for those suffering people, but then I came to Kenya, I walked into that hospital and I saw what those stories had failed to relay. Helplessness, truth and agony. I along with 8 other children and Nate went into this room where there where six beds of babies and their nurses mothers or relatives. One woman per child taking care of them. Each child was sick, some had yellow eyes all had sad looks and painful stares. Most were no bigger than a 6 month old, one little boy was the size of a 6 year old. I don’t know what his real age was. I immediately went over to a bed and began talking to one of the babies, it just lay there in pain. I went over to the next bed and held a little baby in a yellow shirt named “Grace” this baby was adorable with chocolate eyes and soft skin. But it was sick with phenomena and malaria. The next baby was Benjamin, the little girls from Life held him and loved on him. It was so good to see children loving other children. The mothers appreciated it. Because I don’t speak Swahili or Kidogo Kiswahili the other Children translated for me. The baby that held my attention the most and captured my heart was a orphan. It was just lying on the bed motionless, looking lifeless. Barely bigger than a newborn…so frail and helpless. I assumed it was very young. But when I asked how old the answer sent my system and heart into a shock. This baby wasn’t a newborn but rather 2 years old. It was so frail, breathing heavily with it’s eyes rolled back. It’s little hand was so tiny little bigger than my thumb. I sat on the edge of the bed in shock and despair. I stroked the baby's head praying away the sickness, begging God to heal this baby, wishing that there was something I could do. Tears filled my eyes as I looked around at all the babies and helpless to do anything, knowing that they would all be dead soon. Something so simple so easy to cure ends in death. Sickness…what an enemy. I sat in that room and stroked the orphans head and could almost feel the pain and sorrow the Lord feels for these little babies. These precious babies that have been diseased and stricken with pain. He holds them all, He loves them all. As I sat with the children and prayed over them I thought of my nieces and nephews and if they were lying lifeless on this bed, if they looked at me with these painful eyes. I could not bear it.
The things I saw today I pray will always be with me and I pray hat God will use me in some way to help to save these babies. There must be something that I can do. Lord Jesus these are your children, receive them Lord.

T.I.A- "This Is Africa"

So I'm in Kenya Africa...yes that's right. Wow it's crazy to think! But I've been here since the 17th of this month.
I don't think I could have prepared for what I was going into. But God prepared me. I have come up against many various things in these first 2 weeks that if I would have known about them beforehand...I would have said "no thank you!" But the 'Lord's strength is made perfect in my weakness,' and boy have I come face to face with my weaknesses.
For example... The first night in Kenya was in Nairobi (the capitol). We were staying at a safe house and getting ready for bed. Now mind you we've been on a plane since 3 in the afternoon the previous day with no shower or anything. I was worn out and feeling gross. It was hot and we were all tired and jet-legged like nobodies business. Well I went to take a shower and...no water! The faucet didn't even have proper handles. So my first night and many have followed where I have had no water... or I take a bucket bath. Before coming here I had never really taken a cold shower but here that's about all there is.. which is just amazing!
The lifestyle of people here and the living conditions are so completely and utterly different than back home. I truly have and am living in a different and other side of the world. Yet even though all the surroundings around me have changed and the people I'm with are not my family or friends from home. I know and am completely confident that God has not changed. That no matter how far away I am or how lonely or what I go through. God is there, He's watching, loving and protecting me. I think that knowing that and believing that and holding onto that has keep me from completely losing it here. I have not had any crazy moments of homesickness or emotional breakdowns. I know that they will most likely come but I try to keep my eyes heavenward and everything else makes sense.
Thank you all for your prayers--- remember my team and I and that we are in enemy territory.
(Me cleaning a butcherd chicken...yes that's right)

Kenya Internship Update...

So during my 4 months at home I've not only been working but fund raising on the side. At the beginning when I sent my first newsletter out in May of this year. I was not doubtful that I would receieve all my funds but was ready to be pleasantly surprised when I did in fact receive all of my funds. I knew that God was big and powerful enough and that if He wanted me to go on internship...then I would go and have no problem raising the needed money. Well after months of newsletters, speaking engagements and prayers sent up. I am over joyed to say that I am at 100% and even more so! The Lord has provided so faithfully and abundantly. At times I was nervous and doubted but then I remembered who was in control and didn't worry anymore. I had a strong sense that it would all be o.k and my worrying about it would do no good. I'm so excited!
The plane tickets are bought and the money is all there. I am actually going to be flying out for Kenya Africa on January 16th! I am actually going! This is reality right here. It's just amazing looking back on the journey that has lead me to this time in my life. I can't wait to see what the Lord has for me in the future.
Please continue to pray for me and my team as we all spend our last Christmas with our family in the States. I know it's going to be hard for everyone to say goodbye. :) Thanks!
Love, Abby